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Blog - BDSM Box

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Filtering by Category: Guide

Foot Fetishism: Expressing Your Intimate Desires

Sasha Sobolevsky

Fetishes and kinks are on the rise as many people are trying out things beyond conventional sex. Many people certain fantasies and desires when it comes to sex but for various reasons such as religious, societal and institutional constraints, they only dream about such fantasies. People tend to shy away talking about these kinks because of the guilt and stigma associated with those desires. What are fetishes and kinks? Is it weird to have such desires? How can these desires help my sex life? This article explores foot fetishism as a whole.

Legs and feet in stockings

Fetishes and kinks: an overview

These two words are often used as synonyms by some but there is a difference. A fetish is something that arouses sexual excitement in a person’s body which could be from a non-sexual inanimate object, a non-sexual part of the human body or particular human behavior. A kink, on the other hand, is an unusual sexual practice which might be considered deviant from normal sexual intercourse (conventional sex).

Having fetish and kinky desires does not make you odd!

Many people’s sexual fantasies fall under the category of kinks and fetishes. Thanks to mainstream media, research, and people voicing out such desires, many can now try out such fantasies and fulfill their desires. People tend to consider and tag other persons who exhibit such desires as odd. However, it is normal to desire such fetishes. Whether you desire kinks such as role play, BDSM, age play, impact play or you have a fetish for body parts like the feet and hands, or you are aroused by objects like lingerie or heels, you are normal. Let’s consider the popular fetish known as the foot fetish. Research published in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2007 posited that about half of people who have fetishes have a thing for feet.

What is a foot fetish?

A foot fetish is a sexual attraction to human feet. A person with a foot fetish loves playing, kissing or interacting with their sexual partner’s feet. Similarly, a person with a foot fetish might love if their partner gives that type of attention to their feet, that is, be on the receiving end. Foot fetishes could involve a preference for certain types of feet (big or small feet), an adorned foot (heels, shoes) or a bare foot. Others might like a certain smell or scent on the feet. Quite a number of foot fetishists enjoying having the feet they worship in colorful nylon stockings while others tend to develop a fetish for shoes (they love to see their partner’s feet in shoes and could get turned on by the smell of the previously worn shoes). Foot fetishists often engage in the act of “foot worship” – this is the treatment of the feet like a sacred object, therefore, worshiping it by sucking, rubbing and caressing it. Some foot fetishists might want to explore pain during foot play; they may want their partner to stand or walk on them for their own pleasure. When it comes to fetishes, there is really no clear-cut boundaries on the desires of a fetishist.

Why is foot fetishism popular?

Scholars and historians, by studying literature from medieval periods, have suggested that foot fetishes began to garner popularity and practice as a result of diseases that could be contracted through sex during such periods. Another school of thought suggests that the media over the years has eroticized female feet by portraying the feet as sexy. Magazines and TV always show sexy feet of models and beauty queens that are well pedicured and clad in beautiful heels. This could be responsible for a subconscious conditioning of the mind, leading to an intimate obsession with the feet and has made many fantasize the feet.

Exploring your foot fetish desires

Whether you like giving love to the feet of your sexual partner or you like being the receiver of such pleasures, here are a few ways to express and receive satisfaction as a foot fetishist.

Pedicures and massages

One little way to explore your foot fetish is to get a pedicure. It helps to get your feet prepared for various fetish activities that might come your way. A massage is also a great way to satisfy your fetish because it is very enjoyable. Quality foot massages are one of the perks of having a partner who can give attention to your feet; not only will it get your feet in shape, but it could also turn you on and get your ready for other sexual activity.

Foot worship and oral foot play

Foot worship is a part of foot fetishism that involves kissing and licking the feet. It is pleasurable when a partner gives oral attention to the feet. Some might add kinky role play to this.

Masturbation and foot jobs

Fetishists who also have a fetish for shoes and heels can explore the avenue of stroking their genitals with the footwear or self-stimulating while admiring feet or footwear. Similarly, fetishists might engage in foot jobs. It can be as simple as stimulating your partner’s genitals with your feet.



In short, foot fetishes are normal and people who desire feet would experience fulfillment in their sex lives if they explore and satisfy their desires. Communicate your desires with your partner, get their consent and play it safe by taking precautions and using protection.

Eseandre Mordi

Cunnilingus for All

Sasha Sobolevsky

Before I write anything else, it's vital that you watch this adorable and informative video:

As a cisgender, mostly straight female, I have come to the conclusion that the people I have hooked up with (mostly cisgender males) are bad at oral sex. Oh, they’re good at receiving it, but they’re horrible at giving. I know that this is a vast generalization, and I am sure that there are straight cisgender men who are amazing at cunnilingus, but I have not come across one (insert coming joke haha). A friend once dated someone who could make her come in a few minutes with his tongue, but nobody else could do that for her, me, or anyone else I asked. In fact, until recently, I honestly thought I was broken because it wasn’t easy, and was barely possible, for me to orgasm during cunnilingus. I know. Me. Co-owner of a sex company. But the stigma against female orgasms and sexuality is so ingrained in our culture. I had some hunches about what I liked, but never asked for it, figuring it was too picky, unnecessary, would take too long, etc.

So I started doing research. Turns out, I was on the right track all along. My “hunches” checked out with surveys and research that others had done about what makes a female orgasm during cunnilingus. In fact, it even matched up with what several magazines and websites offered as advice to “blow her mind” and “give her the best orgasm.” I have compiled the advice that checks out best for me and a few friends who served as testers, and without further ado, I would like to present my guide for giving oral sex to a female:

1.     The average woman takes 20 minutes to orgasm from cunnilingus. That was a shocker to me! I’m normal! This is important for both guys to know (hunker down and get comfy) and women too (you, my friend, are normal too). I don’t know about you, but I wish I could come as quickly as a guy can. But the fact is I don’t, and that isn’t a problem. And why am I comparing myself to a guy’s sexuality anyway? Lots of things to unpack here. But one thing is for sure: if some guy complains that you “take too long,” he’s a loser.

2.     Take it slow. A woman’s body takes some time to get ready for intense sexual sensations, so going in there aggressively will most likely hurt. This applies to tongues and hands. And please no hard little dagger tongue. Make it soft and wet.

3.     Cunnilingus isn’t just about the clit. Lick that vagina, slowly. Lick all the labia, slowly up and down. Insert a finger or 2, slowly. One technique that’s my favorite (courtesy of LovePanky) is to “…think of the lips as forming a long, vertical ellipse, the inside of this is what you should focus on next. As a reference, just above this ellipse, tucked into its hood is the clitoris. Just below it is the perineum, or what people often call the “taint” – that in-between-area that ain’t pussy and ain’t ass. Push your tongue gently against the bottom of the ellipse, just above the perineum. Keeping light pressure against her, slowly run your tongue up to the top, making sure to stop before you reach the clitoris. Do the same from top to bottom, letting your tongue linger at the points, pushing against them with minimal pressure. Repeat, mixing in a few kisses, and a few more sucks on the sides of her lips. In the bottom third of the ellipse is the vaginal entrance. Push the tip of your tongue slightly inside. The walls of the vaginal opening are extremely sensitive, always approach them slowly and gently. The tip of your tongue, being soft and wet, should give her a feeling of pleasure.”

4.     Once you find something that feels great, DON’T STOP! Do the exact same thing rhythmically until she comes. The most frustrating thing is to be feeling amazing, and then for the feeling to stop. For men, typically increasing speed and intensity helps build up to orgasm. For women, it’s consistency.

5.     Maybe most importantly, not all women can orgasm, and not all women who can orgasm always do. Guys, try not to be frustrated if your lady doesn’t. Chances are she is frustrated enough. Try your best to hear out her needs and fulfill them. If you're putting a lot of pressure on your partner, try to remember that it's not about you. You are not somehow more manly (or womanly) if you can make your partner come every time you have sex.

I really hope this guide is helpful. It was helpful for me to research and write it. And feel free to let me know if you agree / disagree / what has worked for you.

Here are some more resources:

LovePanky | Thought Catalog | Cosmo (pretty funny article) | LA Weekly

Love always,

Sasha

How to Dom, Part II

Sasha Sobolevsky

Imagine that you are writing a story.

The exposition: “Once Upon a Time…”

Start with a slow build and warm up. Just like you would introduce the characters in the story, introduce them to the “world that you are creating” and the sensations that you will be using. A slow and thorough warm up will allow your partner to get into the mindset and get their body ready to go deeper. You’ll be surprised how much the human body can take when it’s turned on. So don’t neglect this part.

Once both of you are on the same page and immersed in the world, and characters that you have created...now you can take them on a journey. With all the plot twists and peaks and valleys that you have planned out. Keep in mind that if you go to level 10 that you have to plan little lulls in the session, so they can recoup and recover and let it all settle in, before you take them back up to a higher level.

Finally, when you have completed the rollercoaster that you have planned out, that’s when you slowly bring them back down. Perhaps do some sensation play, and give them some time to soak up all the fun that you both just had. This is my favorite part about BDSM. CUDDLES! That’s right…it’s not all doom and gloom and whips and chains. There are also cuddles and affirmation and nurturing your partner. Cool down and aftercare is what is going to make a person want to play with you again. As the Dom you are responsible for your partners body, mind and heart, not just during the scene, but also the healing that happens afterwards.

Kinky BDSM box fetish couple

While planning your scene, keep track of the skills and tools you’ll need to execute the scene smoothly. If you and your partner discussed rope bondage, make sure you are comfortable doing the bind that you plan on using, or if there is an impact play toy that you both would like to have in the scene. Make sure you know how to safely use it.

Once you’ve gained more confidence in your skills you’ll be able to improvise and read your partner and the energy of the scene better. Remember that your outline is just an outline and you don’t have to follow it strictly, you can color outside of the lines if the energy of the scene goes somewhere that you didn’t think about or anticipate. The most important attribute that a good Dom has, is empathy. Connect with your partner. Tune in to them. Try to feel what they are going through during the scene, because if you can read your partner then you can take them on the journey in a profound way.

Being a Dom can be a wonderfully rewarding position to find yourself in and it’s a journey that never ends. Always keep learning, stay humble, remember the D in BDSM doesn’t stand for Dick, and the B doesn’t stand for Bitch.