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Blog - BDSM Box

Play is the first kink lifestyle brand.

Filtering by Category: Guest Post

Findomme Days, or, Redistribution of Wealth is Kinky

Sasha Sobolevsky

When I got the suggestion to write about financial domination for this blog, I was in between jobs, looking for anything that would reward a hard day’s work properly, and I have to admit that my first reaction was, “I could get into that!” Having someone at your beck and call whose only demand is that they be allowed to give you outlandish sums of money, then get off to the guilt they feel later — what could be the downside?

Woman sitting at a computer

Obviously, it’s not that simple — financial domination requires a business-savvy cultivation of a personality that’s so compelling, people don’t even need to talk to you before they want to send you money. That’s not easy to come by, and takes full-time-career-level dedication.

Just ask Mistress Harley, one of the financial dominatrixes interviewed by the Washington Post in a 2018 profile of the industry. She hosts one of her clients in her house full-time, and he pays her a salary to dominate him 24/7. This is all above-board, and there are thorough legal documents involved to make sure neither person can take advantage of the other.

Notably, all the clients featured in the Post article are rich men, and the findommes are keenly aware there is a redistributive aspect to the arrangement. Goddess Venus knows that her clients “own all the wealth in the world. We should be gouging them. A lot of women just see it as a job. I see it as wealth redistribution.”

But maybe the most important thing to understand about financial domination is that it takes the D/s relationship out of the bedroom in a real, tangible way. This makes it both potentially riskier and, due to the higher stakes, hotter. In this end-of-days capitalist landscape, no paddle hits harder than a blow to the finances.

Mx C

Take Me Down a Peg: Does getting pegged make you a sub?

Sasha Sobolevsky

So, let’s talk about pegging! More specifically, I want to address some of our assumptions about what a pegging dynamic can and should be.

Strictly defined, pegging is just anal sex where a woman/femme partner tops a man/masc partner with a dildo, but it’s taken on a wider connotation of dominance and submission in the BDSM world. Hetero male bottoms happily (or not so happily) taking their mistresses’ dicks is the most common pegging imagery, and the fact of being the fucker rather than the fuckee is seen as an act of dominance in itself.

However, I think we as a community could stand to expand our kink repertoire when it comes to incorporating pegging. In my opinion, more doms should be getting pegged. Why should we assume that being the receiver in anal sex is automatically a form of submission? There is a taking inherent in getting fucked, a receiving of selfish pleasure without returning equivalent pleasure to the pegging partner, who fucks purely in service to the pegged partner. (The lack of nerve endings in dildos — at least our current models — makes sure of that.) Done right, a good peg can be an exquisite tease for the top, who gets to watch their partner get off on their cock without a chance of getting off themselves.

What’s more, why should we stick to gender-based pegging roles, where the femme person pegs and the masc person gets pegged? Strap a dildo on someone with a penis and fuck it instead, and watch them go crazy with frustration. Strap a dildo over your own dick to fuck your sub with a bigger (or smaller!) dick than usual. Get creative with it! Especially if you’re in a cis/het couple, adding and subtracting dicks where they don’t usually exist can be a great way to interact sexually with your partner in ways neither of you would ordinarily get to.

In short: taking a dick doesn’t make you a sub, and strapping one on doesn’t make you a dom. But it can! It all depends on how you navigate it with your partner.

Mx C

Foot Fetishism: Expressing Your Intimate Desires

Sasha Sobolevsky

Fetishes and kinks are on the rise as many people are trying out things beyond conventional sex. Many people certain fantasies and desires when it comes to sex but for various reasons such as religious, societal and institutional constraints, they only dream about such fantasies. People tend to shy away talking about these kinks because of the guilt and stigma associated with those desires. What are fetishes and kinks? Is it weird to have such desires? How can these desires help my sex life? This article explores foot fetishism as a whole.

Legs and feet in stockings

Fetishes and kinks: an overview

These two words are often used as synonyms by some but there is a difference. A fetish is something that arouses sexual excitement in a person’s body which could be from a non-sexual inanimate object, a non-sexual part of the human body or particular human behavior. A kink, on the other hand, is an unusual sexual practice which might be considered deviant from normal sexual intercourse (conventional sex).

Having fetish and kinky desires does not make you odd!

Many people’s sexual fantasies fall under the category of kinks and fetishes. Thanks to mainstream media, research, and people voicing out such desires, many can now try out such fantasies and fulfill their desires. People tend to consider and tag other persons who exhibit such desires as odd. However, it is normal to desire such fetishes. Whether you desire kinks such as role play, BDSM, age play, impact play or you have a fetish for body parts like the feet and hands, or you are aroused by objects like lingerie or heels, you are normal. Let’s consider the popular fetish known as the foot fetish. Research published in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2007 posited that about half of people who have fetishes have a thing for feet.

What is a foot fetish?

A foot fetish is a sexual attraction to human feet. A person with a foot fetish loves playing, kissing or interacting with their sexual partner’s feet. Similarly, a person with a foot fetish might love if their partner gives that type of attention to their feet, that is, be on the receiving end. Foot fetishes could involve a preference for certain types of feet (big or small feet), an adorned foot (heels, shoes) or a bare foot. Others might like a certain smell or scent on the feet. Quite a number of foot fetishists enjoying having the feet they worship in colorful nylon stockings while others tend to develop a fetish for shoes (they love to see their partner’s feet in shoes and could get turned on by the smell of the previously worn shoes). Foot fetishists often engage in the act of “foot worship” – this is the treatment of the feet like a sacred object, therefore, worshiping it by sucking, rubbing and caressing it. Some foot fetishists might want to explore pain during foot play; they may want their partner to stand or walk on them for their own pleasure. When it comes to fetishes, there is really no clear-cut boundaries on the desires of a fetishist.

Why is foot fetishism popular?

Scholars and historians, by studying literature from medieval periods, have suggested that foot fetishes began to garner popularity and practice as a result of diseases that could be contracted through sex during such periods. Another school of thought suggests that the media over the years has eroticized female feet by portraying the feet as sexy. Magazines and TV always show sexy feet of models and beauty queens that are well pedicured and clad in beautiful heels. This could be responsible for a subconscious conditioning of the mind, leading to an intimate obsession with the feet and has made many fantasize the feet.

Exploring your foot fetish desires

Whether you like giving love to the feet of your sexual partner or you like being the receiver of such pleasures, here are a few ways to express and receive satisfaction as a foot fetishist.

Pedicures and massages

One little way to explore your foot fetish is to get a pedicure. It helps to get your feet prepared for various fetish activities that might come your way. A massage is also a great way to satisfy your fetish because it is very enjoyable. Quality foot massages are one of the perks of having a partner who can give attention to your feet; not only will it get your feet in shape, but it could also turn you on and get your ready for other sexual activity.

Foot worship and oral foot play

Foot worship is a part of foot fetishism that involves kissing and licking the feet. It is pleasurable when a partner gives oral attention to the feet. Some might add kinky role play to this.

Masturbation and foot jobs

Fetishists who also have a fetish for shoes and heels can explore the avenue of stroking their genitals with the footwear or self-stimulating while admiring feet or footwear. Similarly, fetishists might engage in foot jobs. It can be as simple as stimulating your partner’s genitals with your feet.

In short, foot fetishes are normal and people who desire feet would experience fulfillment in their sex lives if they explore and satisfy their desires. Communicate your desires with your partner, get their consent and play it safe by taking precautions and using protection.

Eseandre Mordi