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Blog - BDSM Box

Play is the first kink lifestyle brand.

Cuck: It’s Not Just a Right-Wing Insult

Sasha Sobolevsky

Three people wearing suits with their backs towards the camera

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a situation as awkward for people who have a particular fetish as the current use of the word “cuck” in terrible political discourse. It must be pretty uncomfortable to tell someone what you’re into and have them respond, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard that word in news segments about the alt-right!” I mean, BDSM being known as “that 50 Shades of Grey stuff” for the better part of the 2010s was bad enough…

So what is cucking, in its pure kink context, unsullied by awful politics? It’s essentially being in an open relationship, but with the added bonus that the person who’s not having sex in that moment gets to fetishize their role as well. The key difference between cucking and simple non-monogamy is the element of fetishizing the taboo, that the partner in question is not “supposed” to be hooking up with other people.

The fetish originated in the power structures of heterosexual marriage, but has moved beyond that realm as non-straight couples have gotten access to socially recognized monogamy. Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, who has studied the cuckolding phenomenon, tells CNN: “For gay men, cuckolding isn't quite as taboo because the norm of lifelong monogamy isn't so strong in the LGBT community; however, it can still be arousing for a number of other reasons,” which include voyeur and group sex fantasies.

So how can you tell if cucking could be right for you, when the nature of the kink itself is so fraught with possible emotional pitfalls? “We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren't careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience,” says Lehmiller. In other words, trust, as in every kink situation, is key, as are good planning and an open mind. Then, who knows? You might find yourself getting a little secret thrill whenever you see someone on the internet get called a cuck…

Mx C

Findomme Days, or, Redistribution of Wealth is Kinky

Sasha Sobolevsky

When I got the suggestion to write about financial domination for this blog, I was in between jobs, looking for anything that would reward a hard day’s work properly, and I have to admit that my first reaction was, “I could get into that!” Having someone at your beck and call whose only demand is that they be allowed to give you outlandish sums of money, then get off to the guilt they feel later — what could be the downside?

Woman sitting at a computer

Obviously, it’s not that simple — financial domination requires a business-savvy cultivation of a personality that’s so compelling, people don’t even need to talk to you before they want to send you money. That’s not easy to come by, and takes full-time-career-level dedication.

Just ask Mistress Harley, one of the financial dominatrixes interviewed by the Washington Post in a 2018 profile of the industry. She hosts one of her clients in her house full-time, and he pays her a salary to dominate him 24/7. This is all above-board, and there are thorough legal documents involved to make sure neither person can take advantage of the other.

Notably, all the clients featured in the Post article are rich men, and the findommes are keenly aware there is a redistributive aspect to the arrangement. Goddess Venus knows that her clients “own all the wealth in the world. We should be gouging them. A lot of women just see it as a job. I see it as wealth redistribution.”

But maybe the most important thing to understand about financial domination is that it takes the D/s relationship out of the bedroom in a real, tangible way. This makes it both potentially riskier and, due to the higher stakes, hotter. In this end-of-days capitalist landscape, no paddle hits harder than a blow to the finances.

Mx C

Take Me Down a Peg: Does getting pegged make you a sub?

Sasha Sobolevsky

So, let’s talk about pegging! More specifically, I want to address some of our assumptions about what a pegging dynamic can and should be.

Strictly defined, pegging is just anal sex where a woman/femme partner tops a man/masc partner with a dildo, but it’s taken on a wider connotation of dominance and submission in the BDSM world. Hetero male bottoms happily (or not so happily) taking their mistresses’ dicks is the most common pegging imagery, and the fact of being the fucker rather than the fuckee is seen as an act of dominance in itself.

However, I think we as a community could stand to expand our kink repertoire when it comes to incorporating pegging. In my opinion, more doms should be getting pegged. Why should we assume that being the receiver in anal sex is automatically a form of submission? There is a taking inherent in getting fucked, a receiving of selfish pleasure without returning equivalent pleasure to the pegging partner, who fucks purely in service to the pegged partner. (The lack of nerve endings in dildos — at least our current models — makes sure of that.) Done right, a good peg can be an exquisite tease for the top, who gets to watch their partner get off on their cock without a chance of getting off themselves.

What’s more, why should we stick to gender-based pegging roles, where the femme person pegs and the masc person gets pegged? Strap a dildo on someone with a penis and fuck it instead, and watch them go crazy with frustration. Strap a dildo over your own dick to fuck your sub with a bigger (or smaller!) dick than usual. Get creative with it! Especially if you’re in a cis/het couple, adding and subtracting dicks where they don’t usually exist can be a great way to interact sexually with your partner in ways neither of you would ordinarily get to.

In short: taking a dick doesn’t make you a sub, and strapping one on doesn’t make you a dom. But it can! It all depends on how you navigate it with your partner.

Mx C