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Blog - BDSM Box

Play is the first kink lifestyle brand.

Ready to Play, Part I

Sasha Sobolevsky

We have a special guest post for you today. Sonni de Soto wrote this story especially for you. Hope you enjoy!

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I see you sitting on the park bench, exactly as I’d told you.

Good boy.

You look good, all buttoned-down with a nice tie and shined shoes. But I know what you hide. I know what’s inside.

I smile. Let’s get started.

My friends all think it’s odd that we met on a dating site. That I would go through the hassle of long-distance dating instead of finding someone closer to my small hometown.

They don’t get it.

I remember messaging you. You’d been surprised. Even on a kinky dating site, even with Dommes, women rarely message men first. But I did. After one look at your photo, your profile, I knew you had to be mine.

For the first few exchanges, I’d kept things casual. Flirty. Asking about your job. Your family. Your interests. I’d memorized every office anecdote, every family memory, every trivia about your every passion, storing it away in my head like treasure.

Like when, after months of messages complaining about your boss and your scheming coworker, I’d had you conduct a meeting in front of them while wearing one of my thongs. You couldn’t believe that the ego-shattering humiliation of wearing my used panties somehow gave you the confidence to look your boss in the eye and tell him your ideas. As if knowing you could survive doing one proved you could do the other. The pinch of elastic and slide of pink satin providing you proof of your own capability and boosting your confidence.

I’d been so proud of you.

But not nearly as proud as when you’d gone camping instead of visiting your family last Christmas, choosing to send me pictures of you standing naked at the top of a cliff instead of having a strained dinner with people who willfully will never understand you. It was as if me making you do whatever I want gave you permission to do what you actually want. As if, through service kink, you discovered self-care.

After sharing messages and phone calls and pictures and videos for nearly a year now, despite living halfway across the country, I’ve never felt closer to anyone, more intimate with someone. I know you better than anyone else in this world and you me, but I’ve never even looked into your eyes, never touched your skin, never tasted your kiss.

And, as I stand in the shadows and watch you sit on that bench, I wonder if the distance made the difference. Nervous about what will happen to our dynamic outside the digital realm, I pick up my phone and log into the dating site’s app.

We could have switched to any other social media messaging system. We could have emailed or texted. And we did, from time to time, when it was more convenient. But we met on this app, got to know and fell for each other on it. It’s as much a part of our relationship as we are.

I click on our chat logs and type.

You look good.”

I see you jump at your phone’s notification sound. You fumble with your mobile device, read, then look around before responding.

Thank you. Where are you?”

I smile. “Around.”

There’s a pause. “I thought we were going to meet face-to-face.” That’s the whole point of this trip.

I know. “We will.” But first. “Tell me what you want to do.”

Do?”

I want to cackle, feeling the game begin. “When we finally meet, what would you like to do?”

There’s a longer lull. I can practically see the endless possibilities race through your head, overwhelming you.

I take pity on you, knowing you work better with options. “Well, I hear there’s a great museum in town. Or we could see a movie. Or grab dinner.” I swallow and send one more option. “Or head to the hotel room.”

That.”

Your response is so short, quick, I want to laugh.

I couldn’t agree more. “What will we do once there?”

I watch you type. Then delete. Then type. You stare for an indecisive moment, before sending. “I want to touch you.”

“Where?” 

“Your breasts, your shoulders, your waist, your hips, your ass, your thighs, your pussy.”

Good answer. “Would I touch you?”

“Please.”

My hand instinctively fingers the hotel keycard in my pocket. Soon. “Show me your panties.”

You squirm, while you read that. You begin to move.

Where are you going?”

You freeze. “To find a restroom, so I can show you?”

You write it as a question. As if you’re asking for clarification. Or permission. That shouldn’t make me happy, but it does. So much so that I almost give it to you.

But we both know it’s better if I don’t. So. “Nope. Do it. Right here.”

-----

EDIT: Part II of Ready to Play is now up!

Cunnilingus for All

Sasha Sobolevsky

Before I write anything else, it's vital that you watch this adorable and informative video:

As a cisgender, mostly straight female, I have come to the conclusion that the people I have hooked up with (mostly cisgender males) are bad at oral sex. Oh, they’re good at receiving it, but they’re horrible at giving. I know that this is a vast generalization, and I am sure that there are straight cisgender men who are amazing at cunnilingus, but I have not come across one (insert coming joke haha). A friend once dated someone who could make her come in a few minutes with his tongue, but nobody else could do that for her, me, or anyone else I asked. In fact, until recently, I honestly thought I was broken because it wasn’t easy, and was barely possible, for me to orgasm during cunnilingus. I know. Me. Co-owner of a sex company. But the stigma against female orgasms and sexuality is so ingrained in our culture. I had some hunches about what I liked, but never asked for it, figuring it was too picky, unnecessary, would take too long, etc.

So I started doing research. Turns out, I was on the right track all along. My “hunches” checked out with surveys and research that others had done about what makes a female orgasm during cunnilingus. In fact, it even matched up with what several magazines and websites offered as advice to “blow her mind” and “give her the best orgasm.” I have compiled the advice that checks out best for me and a few friends who served as testers, and without further ado, I would like to present my guide for giving oral sex to a female:

1.     The average woman takes 20 minutes to orgasm from cunnilingus. That was a shocker to me! I’m normal! This is important for both guys to know (hunker down and get comfy) and women too (you, my friend, are normal too). I don’t know about you, but I wish I could come as quickly as a guy can. But the fact is I don’t, and that isn’t a problem. And why am I comparing myself to a guy’s sexuality anyway? Lots of things to unpack here. But one thing is for sure: if some guy complains that you “take too long,” he’s a loser.

2.     Take it slow. A woman’s body takes some time to get ready for intense sexual sensations, so going in there aggressively will most likely hurt. This applies to tongues and hands. And please no hard little dagger tongue. Make it soft and wet.

3.     Cunnilingus isn’t just about the clit. Lick that vagina, slowly. Lick all the labia, slowly up and down. Insert a finger or 2, slowly. One technique that’s my favorite (courtesy of LovePanky) is to “…think of the lips as forming a long, vertical ellipse, the inside of this is what you should focus on next. As a reference, just above this ellipse, tucked into its hood is the clitoris. Just below it is the perineum, or what people often call the “taint” – that in-between-area that ain’t pussy and ain’t ass. Push your tongue gently against the bottom of the ellipse, just above the perineum. Keeping light pressure against her, slowly run your tongue up to the top, making sure to stop before you reach the clitoris. Do the same from top to bottom, letting your tongue linger at the points, pushing against them with minimal pressure. Repeat, mixing in a few kisses, and a few more sucks on the sides of her lips. In the bottom third of the ellipse is the vaginal entrance. Push the tip of your tongue slightly inside. The walls of the vaginal opening are extremely sensitive, always approach them slowly and gently. The tip of your tongue, being soft and wet, should give her a feeling of pleasure.”

4.     Once you find something that feels great, DON’T STOP! Do the exact same thing rhythmically until she comes. The most frustrating thing is to be feeling amazing, and then for the feeling to stop. For men, typically increasing speed and intensity helps build up to orgasm. For women, it’s consistency.

5.     Maybe most importantly, not all women can orgasm, and not all women who can orgasm always do. Guys, try not to be frustrated if your lady doesn’t. Chances are she is frustrated enough. Try your best to hear out her needs and fulfill them. If you're putting a lot of pressure on your partner, try to remember that it's not about you. You are not somehow more manly (or womanly) if you can make your partner come every time you have sex.

I really hope this guide is helpful. It was helpful for me to research and write it. And feel free to let me know if you agree / disagree / what has worked for you.

Here are some more resources:

LovePanky | Thought Catalog | Cosmo (pretty funny article) | LA Weekly

Love always,

Sasha

How to Dom, Part II

Sasha Sobolevsky

Imagine that you are writing a story.

The exposition: “Once Upon a Time…”

Start with a slow build and warm up. Just like you would introduce the characters in the story, introduce them to the “world that you are creating” and the sensations that you will be using. A slow and thorough warm up will allow your partner to get into the mindset and get their body ready to go deeper. You’ll be surprised how much the human body can take when it’s turned on. So don’t neglect this part.

Once both of you are on the same page and immersed in the world, and characters that you have created...now you can take them on a journey. With all the plot twists and peaks and valleys that you have planned out. Keep in mind that if you go to level 10 that you have to plan little lulls in the session, so they can recoup and recover and let it all settle in, before you take them back up to a higher level.

Finally, when you have completed the rollercoaster that you have planned out, that’s when you slowly bring them back down. Perhaps do some sensation play, and give them some time to soak up all the fun that you both just had. This is my favorite part about BDSM. CUDDLES! That’s right…it’s not all doom and gloom and whips and chains. There are also cuddles and affirmation and nurturing your partner. Cool down and aftercare is what is going to make a person want to play with you again. As the Dom you are responsible for your partners body, mind and heart, not just during the scene, but also the healing that happens afterwards.

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While planning your scene, keep track of the skills and tools you’ll need to execute the scene smoothly. If you and your partner discussed rope bondage, make sure you are comfortable doing the bind that you plan on using, or if there is an impact play toy that you both would like to have in the scene. Make sure you know how to safely use it.

Once you’ve gained more confidence in your skills you’ll be able to improvise and read your partner and the energy of the scene better. Remember that your outline is just an outline and you don’t have to follow it strictly, you can color outside of the lines if the energy of the scene goes somewhere that you didn’t think about or anticipate. The most important attribute that a good Dom has, is empathy. Connect with your partner. Tune in to them. Try to feel what they are going through during the scene, because if you can read your partner then you can take them on the journey in a profound way.

Being a Dom can be a wonderfully rewarding position to find yourself in and it’s a journey that never ends. Always keep learning, stay humble, remember the D in BDSM doesn’t stand for Dick, and the B doesn’t stand for Bitch.